You gotta have faith.

As George Michael said..you gotta have faith. Maybe not faith in the Lord, but just faith. Have faith in yourself, that things will get better. That this will pass. That this all happened for a reason.

Sometimes I loose the faith. In myself, in life. In everything. Today I woke up wishing I hadn't. My body felt rough due to the fact I'd slept for over 12 hours and had little to eat the day before. I just laid in my bed for ages struggling to find the energy

to get up. I rang my boyfriend. He cheered me up instantly. I haven't seen him since Friday..was meant to see him yesterday but felt too low...was meant to see him today, but the low feeling was still there. Every little thing made me angry. I could hear my Mum's foot steps in the kit

chen down stairs, and something as trivial as that sent me into a rag

e. I curled into a ball and just let the anger go. I eventually got up, got dressed and put some make up on - only because my Mum had a friend round and I didn't want her to see me looking like shit.

Later on I was sorting out my tablets and suddenly felt like crying. I told my Mum I feel worse than ever and I'm fed up of everything. Fed up of Doctors not

helping. I had a telephone interview with a nurse person two weeks ago, she said I would get a letter saying when I have an appointment with a psychiatrist..but I still haven't received a letter. It's been 3 months since I went to the Shaw Trust and I was meant to have seen a psych by then, but nothing's happened. I get put on one waiting list, then moved to another. It'

s a

good job I haven't killed myself waiting.

I feel like a little girl. I don't feel 21. I still feel 13, and I know I act like it sometimes. I'm scared of teenagers, if I see any when I'm out I get scared they're looking at me and laughing. I feel like a little girl, not an adult. I shouldn't be threatened by teenagers, I'm 21!

I want to LIVE MY LIFE. People don't realise just how isolated I am. I see my bf a few times a week, I see either Jaz or Tess once a fortnight maybe.. I don't

go out for days on end. I so badly want to put the dogs in my car and drive to Whitlingham Broad and take them for a walk alone... But, I just can't.

Sad things affect me more than a normal person I think. Like a sad song, or a sad storyline on tv. A song can make me feel such heart ache and I will cry and feel sad for hours. Why?!?!

I love Dean so much. I can feel suicidal until the minute I see h

im, then when he opens the door I feel lifted. He is a man of few words. But he knows when I'm not feeling well. I miss him

Anyway.

The soap room is almost finished, just need the microwave table and flooring. This evening I made quite a few soaps, I'm a bit behind with orders.. I felt better

after making them as it keeps my mind busy :)