Thursday, 25 November 2010

Christmas is coming....

It's one month today until Christmas eve!! Goodness me.. this year has gone so quickly! And, it's started to snow here in Norwich!! It looks so pretty when it falls and it's eerily silent. Then to dogs go rushing out in the garden and make a mess!!

Today I was excited to see a parcel from "Shellie's Crafty Corner"! I opened it quickly to see my little reindeer had arrived! He was wrapped up nicely in brown tissue paper and arrived safe and sound! I showed my Mum and she thought it was great, couldn't believe someone had hand made it themselves! I told her my friend Shellie made it, one of my little internet buddies - I'm so thankful for the internet and the friendships I have on there, I'd be incredibly lonely if I didn't have the net!

Here's a pic of the gorgeous little Rudolf! He's very well made, Shellie has only being doing crochet for about a month or so and is so good at it! Check out her folksy shop here All her Christmas items are only £4.99! So cheap!

So thanks so much Shellie for my lovely reindeer, he's sitting pride of place on our kitchen windowsill at the moment!

Check out Shellie's blog here

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Up before midday

Today I was up and out of bed before 12pm. For some people, well for most people this is quite normal. But for me, it is a rarity! The past few months I have been sleeping till 4pm and not going to bed until almost nocturnal!

But today my Dad woke me up and I took my ear plugs out and got up! Had a bowl of Lucky Charms for breakfast, had a shower... Took Dad to work then went round my boyfriends. We had a very nutritional (ho ho) Mcdonalds for dinner and watched the 1st and 2nd Harry Potter films. I did have a bit of a cat nap though...

So I'm feeling quite upbeat about today. I hope tomorrow I can continue this and wake up early again :)

Now I'd like to share a few thoughts with you regarding 5 beautiful men... Take That.

I've always been a MASSIVE Robbie fan since I was about 10, I remember getting his album Sing When You're Winning and singing the songs on the way to school with my friend... I became a Take That fan when they came back on the scene in 2005? By this time Robbie was sort of out of the picture but I still loved him. Over these past few years I am become obsessed with Take That, I love their music, their tours are always amazing, and they're nice chaps. Now Robbie has re joined I'm sort of split on my opinion of it all.
I do think it's great they're back together, but I think Robbie missed his chance when they asked him back in 2005 and he turned it down. Now Take That are riding high and Robbie's last album was a flop - he suddenly wants to join them? I watched the documentary about his return the other week and I sensed a few of the band member weren't keen on him coming back. Their album seems very Robbie influenced, the lyrics seem similar to his stuff and not very Take That-ie.

In The Flood video as Robbie is the lead vocalist he is in it the most which I found annoying. When they've performed live he seems to be acting like the "lead singer" or still as a solo artist in the way he is acting and singing which I'm not comfortable with. Gary, Mark, Jason or Howard have never performed that way.
It could be down to nerves though, I know Robbie suffers from terrible stage fright and anxiety and puts on this front of "the big ego". I just hope once he has settled in he won't be so.. in your face and over the top. Right now it feels as though it's Take That feat. Robbie Williams?

Friday, 19 November 2010

Anniversaries & Suprise Deliveries

Today my Dad went to the Royal Mail depot to collect a couple of parcels for me, when he returned he had quite a few boxes and I knew what most of them are but one I just couldn't think what it could be. I racked my brains thinking of all the things I'd ordered recently but none of them fitted the size or shape of the box... So I ripped it open to find.. A CUPCAKE PUZZLE!!!! Some of you may not realise, but I am obsessed with cupcakes... Ever since I was a teenager I have loved them... I have pictures, posters, candles, bath products, jewellery, figurines and even tattoos of them everywhere. I have never seen a cupcake puzzle before so I thought this was seriously cool! There was a card in with the parcel, which I have to say is possibly the prettiest card I have ever seen:I opened it and found out the lovely person who had sent me this gift, totally out of the blue was... Sarah! (FoudOnFilm) She is one of the lovely girls who reviewed some of my soaps on youtube and we have developed a little friendship online. She wrote some really kind words that touched me and really cheered me up.

I have sent her an email telling her how grateful and touched I am by her surprise present, I really was so thrilled to receive it. It gives me faith that there are lovely people out there :) So Thank You Sarah, you have made my day!! Week infact!

Today is mine and my boyfriend's 3rd anniversary! 3 years ago today we shared our first kiss! A few weeks later we became an "official couple" but neither of us can remember the date of that... I've been suffering from a cold this week but today I feel a bit better but didn't really fancy going out anywhere, and neither did he so we got a chinese meal for 2 from good old Asda and it was actually really yummy!!

Dean hates having his picture taken and whenever we try get on together they always end up look crap.. But I managed to get a reasonably decent one of him here... Bless him

Sunday, 7 November 2010

Change in thought patterns

Since I saw my therapist on Tuesday I am noticing a difference in my thoughts. I think she somehow, hypnotised me, or spoke to my subconcious because I don't seem to be obsessing and thinking about vomiting too much. Before, if I was unoccupied my brain would start to think about being sick over and over, and they would be really clear, vivid thoughts where I could atually see the vomit coming up my throat and out of my mouth (Sorry if this is too graphic!) I would literally obsess over it.
But I've caught myself not thinking about it so often. Every now and then I will think about it, but not for long and not so vividly.
Could this be the end of my phobia??

Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Baby Bunting!

Today I received two packages in the post - one from Elf, and one from "Lemon Squeezy" a shop on Folksy.

From Elf T got two nail polishes in the colours Twinkle and Lilac and a Tinted Moisturiser. I ordered them Sunday night so the delivery was really quick! I really like the moisturiser, it's a nice consistancy and smells nice. I've just put some of the Twinkle polish on over the Barry M mint green I already have on my nails and they look so pretty! Twinkle is just a clear glittery polish.

From "Lemon Squeezy" I got a bunting kit! I love bunting and have seen it in a lot of shops and online but didn't want to spend £20 on something I could easily make myself. When I saw this kit for £6 (i think) I had to get it. You get all the pieces of material you need and the binding to hang them from.
I love the materials, they are so pretty! I cannot wait to start making this.

Sunday, 31 October 2010

Sewing, Reality TV & Cheap cosmetics

First of all, Happy Halloween everyone! I hope you had fun whatever you got up to! We didn't get any trick or treaters even though I bought some sweeties in preparation! Oh well, more sweeties for me!

I spent yesterday making soaps (for a change!) and watching good old Saturday night TV! I'm really into Strictly Come Dancing this year and think Scott, Matt and Kara are amazing! Tina got the boot this week which I was furious about as she was really good but Gavin is bloody crap... I needn't mention how bad Ann is but she's just there for comedy value.
I then watched the X Factor. No one really stood out apart from Cher who was amazing! I didn't really like her before as she always rapped but this week she stole the show! Matt wasn't up to his usual amazing standard bless him. I am gutted Bel Amie went as I absolutely HATE Katie...!!

I've been busy doing cross stitch whilst watching telly. I've got two little kits from the cute store Penelope Teapot on folksy. Click HERE to check out the cute sets available.

I got this adorable cupcake set for £5. When I saw it I had to get it, cupcake + cross stich = two of my favourite things! I also bought my friend one of these kits for her birthday.

I'm currently doing this one at the moment, I've done the robot and just have the wording to do. I needed a book mark and thought this would be fun to make and practical! This was £5. In each kit you get the require thread, a piece of material, a needle and guide. Not bad for £5! I've just ordered a really sweet dinosaur kit, I can't wait to get started on that!

I'm fighting off a cold at the moment, my voice is really croaky and I feel a bit rubbish :(

I'm off to see my councellor Linda on Tuesday which I'm looking forward to. She actually ordered some of my soaps the last time I went so I hope she likes them :)

I've just ordered a few things from ELF - which I'm excited about receiving! I got 2 nail polishes and a tined moisturiser. They were only £1.50 each - BARGAIN!

My little online friend Shellie is kindly going to send me her crochet DVD for me to take a look at and hopefully I'll be able to pick it up and give crochet another go. She has done really well and picked the stitches up really quickly! I love to try new hobbies and be creative :)

Oh oh, lastly, I uploaded a few new videos to youtube, have a look at them HERE

Friday, 29 October 2010

Sad Face- Halloween

I've just got home from a Halloween house party at my friend's Carina and Gedge's. I went as a Sad Clown.. not very scary I know but I've wanted to paint my face like a clown for ages and thought this was the perfect opportunity! I only had some cheapo face paint from Asda but it seemed to work well! I also sprinkled some talc on my face to sort of "set" the face paint so it'd last longer.

My boyfriend went as the marshmellow man from Ghost Busters. I've never seen the film but his outfit was more cute than scary!

I'm really pleased with how it turned out, I think I got it quite neat and sad looking. When I got to the party every kept saying how sad I looked and that they wanted to give me a hug because they kept feeling sorry for my sad little face! A few people also said I looked cute!

Here I am trying to look happy and modelling my lush new hat from good old Primark! It was only £6 and is so fluffy and warm! Some people may not like it and think it's silly but I bloody love it!

This was taken when I'd gotten from from the party so the make up had kind of rubbed off a bit... Don't I look depressed!

Here I am ready to go out... Dear oh dear I do look forlorn don't I! This was taken with my boyfriend's new pc.. I think that's Sammy Davis Jnr in the background there!

I had a fun night and I'm glad I went. This afternoon I was humming and harring about going but I'm so glad I did :)

Thursday, 28 October 2010

Superdrug Haul

I went late night shopping this evening and popped into Superdrug for some goodies! I wanted to get some new foundation as the powder one I bought a few weeks ago is too dark, and the liquid one is too light!! So hopefully these ones will be better.. I couldn't chose which one to get, and as they were only around £6 each I decided to get both.

I'd been reccomended Maybelline's Dream Matte Mousse by someone on youtube so I got that in the shade Ivory as I'm so pale! I'd also seen Collection 2000 Lasting Perfection foundation reccomened on youtube too so got that in Ivory also. All foundations seem to have a really... browny tinge to them, yet my skin is so pale it's so hard to get a good colour match. We'll see how it goes with these and I'll let you know what I think of them! And I got the Collection 2000 Lasting Perfect concealer, it was only £3 and it's been highly reccomended by a lot of youtubers!

I also got the nail polish I'd been wanting for a while... Mint Green by Barry M. It was £2.95 which is a good price, I don't think I'd ever spend over £4 on nail polish tbh. I love the colour of this!

I was glad to see the MUA stand was full of products as the last time I went in superdrug there was hardly anything left. I got 3 eye shadows in nice natural colours so I can do a smokey eye look with them. I also got some liquid eye liner, a nude lip gloss, a clear nail varnish and two lipsticks. All of these are only £1 each!! BARGAIN.

I also got some Nourishing Night Cream and Moisture Cream from the Superdrug "Vitamin" range. There was an offer on where you could get two products for £4 which I thought was good! The Night Cream smells so yummy, it smells kind of like coconut. I've put some on this evening and it sinks into the skin quickly so it's not greasy. I like to moisturise my face everyday as I hope this will prevent lots of wrinkles when I'm older!

I went in Primark too ad spent FAR too much money.. I'll do a video for youtube about that tomorrow :)

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Dolly Bow Bow jewellery + a pumpkin!

I ordered a little treat for myself (Yes, another one!) Last week from the Dolly Bow Bow website

I'd heard about Dolly Bow Bow through youtube, I'm subscribed to Kate's channel (the owner of dollybowbow) so took at look at her site. There are lots of cute items and I'm a sucker for anything handmade and kitsch so opted for the "Pretty Little Letter Necklace" which is £5.99 with free postage.

It arrived today wrapped in pink tissue paper and in a pretty pink organza bag with a business card attached. 10/10 for packaging! I think wrapping the items in up tissue paper is a really sweet touch. Inside the organza bag was my little necklace and Kate had also added some really adorable halloween confetti! So cute!!

I got a new phone recently and I'm not keen on the camera, so sorry for the poor quality.

This what it looks like on..

I'm really pleased with it, I think it's really dainty and cute. The only thing I would say is that the quality isn't as good as the "Made By Me With Love" jewellery I got the other day. But for £6 I can't really complain!

Here's a picture of the pumpkin I carved last night whilst the boyfriend made my tea last night... It's not great but it's okay!

Autum is officially here..

It's official. It's Autum. Actually, it's very nearly Winter! The weather has suddenly turned very chilly, wet and windy! I have to admit I don't HATE this weather, I prefer A/W fashion and love sunggly jumpers and leggins!
Also, this weather gives me the perfect excuse to wear my new military/biker boots 24/7! I LOVE THEM. They were £22 of eBay, brand new! They stink of rubber atm though so I'm gonna have to put them near an open window to "air them out" I think. But they are so comfy and sturdy, perfect for winter!

This past weekend was pretty bad for me - depression wise. I won't go into details but I really was not well and still not feeling great but I've got to pull myself together as I have a lot of soaps to make!

Last night I went round my boyfriend's and he made us chinese food for tea! We went to Asda first to get the ingredients.. he bought me a pumpkin and a carving kit so I could do that whilst he cooked! He made us crispy chili beef, chicken chow mein, chicken curry and egg fried rice! Bloody lovely! He's quite the chef!

After that big meal I felt quite sleepy so I had a little nap. I always get sleepy after a big meal.. so do my doggies! We then watched the Cheryl Cole interview with Piers Morgan - I really like Cheryl, I think she's a genuine, down to earth girl. She is so bloody pretty it makes me sick - lol I have to say I really like her music as well!

I left my fellas at like midnight and ate chocolate buttons whilst browsing the net till about 2 or 3am.. I read a bit of True Blood then fell asleep till half past 3 in the afternoon today.. HOW BAD IS THAT! Christ. I really need to sort my body clock out...but I just have no discipline..

I'm currently sat in my soap room surrounded by what some might say as mess.. I like to call it organised chaos! I've had orders every day this week so have lots to do!

Later today I'm planning on popping round my friend's to delivery her soapies. Her son gave me some Convers trainers that were too small for him, so in exchange I said I'd make him 3 star bar soaps.

Tomorrow me and my friend are going late night shopping, which I'm actually excited about! I do really enjoy clothes shopping, but hate the crowds. If only I could be rich and famous and make Primark shut to the public and I could shop in peace and quite- how good would that be!

I've got my cupcake cross stitch I need to finish but I've had a bit of a disaster with it! I've somehow run out of pink thread.. Either there wasn't enough in the kit, or I've made a mistake somewhere :S So I'm kind of stuck. I'll look through my bag of threads later and see if I've got one the same colour!
I started my little robot book mark the other day, I reckon I'll finish that soon as it's pretty simple. I love doing cross stitch, it's really relaxing.

I've got quite a wish list building I've realised... When I get my monies I want to get some items from ELF. For those who don't know what ELF is, it stands for EYES LIPS and FACE. It's a brilliant website that sells make up and accessories for £1.50 each!!! AMAZING. I've watched lots of reviews of their products on youtube and they all seem pretty good so I'm gonna get a few things I think.
I also want to get some MUA products from superdrug tomorrow... Everything is £1! You can't go wrong with that can you!
Ohh and I really want to get some mint green nail polish... Like lovely pale green, and some nude colours too. They seem very "in" right now!

Enough rambling for one day I think! x

Sunday, 24 October 2010

My Christmas List

Okay, Halloween hasn't even passed yet and I'm writing my Christmas List!! I'm sorry to all you Scrooges out there but I LOVE Christmas time and have already been thinking about what pressies I'd like Santa to bring me this year...

1. The NAKED Urban Decay pallette - seen this all over youtube, it looks great, it's got all the nice nudey colours with splashes of glam.
2. The Inbetweeners box set - I bloody love The Inbetweeners and so does everyone else it seems! I thought the 3rd series was the best yet and am so excited to hear they're making a film!
3. Shooting Stars on DVD - just the series with Angelos in please. I think he is fantastic and I've always loved Vic and Bob's surreal sense of humour!
4. Stuff from Primarni (Primark) I know this might sound cheap to some people, but I'd seriously love a bag full of Primark goodies.. leggins, hair accessories, jewellery, cardis, undies!
5. Robbie Williams Greatest Hits CD - I am a BIG Robbie fan and would love a CD with all the songs I love in one place. Plus, he's fit.
6. Take That's album - not sure if it'll be out by then.. I think it will be... I'm interested to see if Robbie is going to steal the limelight throughout this album. I so hope he doesn't as I adore Take That and honestly think they shouldn't have allowed him to re join...
7. Katy Perry's album - I've really liked all the singles she's released from this album
8. A charm for my Links of London bracelet - I got this bracelet for my 21st and have 4 charms on it atm
9. True Blood box set - I am a massive True Blood fan! I naughtily downloaded series 1, 2 and 3 but would like them on dvd so I can see Bill and Eric's beautiful faces on a large screen rather then my little netbook!

Saturday, 23 October 2010

"Made By Me With Love" jewellery

I received a lovely little package in the post today from a company called "Mady By Me With Love" I ordered a Lucky Dip bag which was ony £5 with free postage. I placed my order on Monday evening and it's now Saturday so I didn't have to wait long to get my goodies!

You can pick either a £10 or £5 Lucky Dip bag and I went for the £5 one as I'm on a budget and I wanted to see what MBMWL items were like. I'd heard about MBMWL from Jess as she done a video review of her Lucky Dip bag on youtube.

The packaged arrived in a really cute pink delivery bag and I'm easily pleased so I thought that was really cool! The actual items came in a pink and white candy striped paper bag with a label at the top saying "Lucky Dip Bag- for oodles of cuteness"! I somehow managed to loose this as soon as I opened the bag, I think my Mum picked it up an threw it away!

I got two little black boxes in the paper bag. Usually when you order handmade jewellery offline it comes to you in a clear ziplock bag or something similar so it's nice to get them in sturdy boxes for a change!

In the first box were these cuties! There is a pink bow ring which is gorgeous, a lovely pair of floral matieral round stud earrings and the most adorable necklace ever - it has a ice cream sundae charm on!
The earrings are around 1" in diametre so a nice size and are made from a really pretty floral material. I really like these and can't wait to wear them!
This necklace is SO me!! I would DEFINITELY buy this if I saw it in a shop. I love anything cute/foodie related and this is just adorable. It's on a gold chain which isn't too long and the charm is quite heavy which shows it's good quality.

Please excuse my awful chipped nail varnish! This bow ring is lovely, it's a pretty pale pink colou. I'm not sure what it's made from but it's not plastic.

In the 2nd box I got these and also a cute raffle ticket which says "wish" on which I thought was a really nice touch.
This ring is so precious. It's a tiny cup and sauce with little flowers on!
It's so unusual and pretty. I think I've seen similar rings in places like TopShop for a lot more money so this is an absolute bargain, I really love it!
This is the final item I got, a pretty beaded bracelet with blue bow and gold heart charm. Unfortunately it's a bit big for me as my wrists are tiny, but I'm thinking I could wear it as an anklet in summer?
Everything had a litle material tag on saying "Made By Me With" which looks really professional.

I got 5 items for £5!! Such a bargain! I am so pleased with everything I got in my Lucky Dip bag and think I may get the £10 one later! I think these would be great as presents, the price is unbeatable and they are all handmade which is fantastic.

Take a look at the website here

I'm going to do a video review of everything later for youtube :)

Monday, 18 October 2010

Have you watched...

[X] 101 Dalmatians (1961)
[X] Alice in Wonderland (1951)
[X] Bambi (1942)
[X] Cinderella (1950)
[X] Dumbo (1941)
[X] Fantasia (1940)
[X] Lady and the Tramp (1955)
[X] Mary Poppins (1964)
[X] Peter Pan (1953)
[X] Pinocchio (1940)
[X] Sleeping Beauty (1959)
[X] Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)
[_] Song of the South (1946)

[X] The Aristocats (1970)
[X] Bedknobs & Broomsticks (1971)
[_] The Black Cauldron (1985)
[_] The Fox and the Hound (1981)
[X] The Great Mouse Detective (1986)
[X] The Jungle Book (1967)
[X] The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977)
[_] Oliver and Company (1986)
[_] Pete’s Dragon (1977)
[_] The Rescuers (1977)
[X] Robin Hood (1973)
[X] The Sword In The Stone (1963)

[X] Aladdin (1992)
[X] Beauty and the Beast (1991)
[X] A Goofy Movie (1995)
[X] Hercules (1997)
[X] The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)
[X] The Lion King (1994)
[X] The Little Mermaid (1989)
[X] Mulan (1998)
[X] Pocahontas (1995)
[_] The Rescuers Down Under (1990)
[X] Tarzan (1999)

[_] Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
[_] Bolt (2008)
[_] Brother Bear (2003)
[_] Chicken Little (2005)
[_] Dinosaur (2000)
[_] The Emperor’s New Groove (2000)
[_] Enchanted (2007)
[_] Fantasia 2000 (2000)
[_] Home on the Range (2004)
[_] Lilo & Stitch (2002)
[_] Meet the Robinsons (2007)
[_] The Princess and the Frog (2009)
[_] Treasure Planet (2002)


[X] A Bug’s Life (1998)
[_] Cars (2006)
[_] Finding Nemo (2003)
[_] The Incredibles (2004)
[X] Monsters Inc. (2001)
[X] Ratatouille (2007)
[X] Toy Story (1995)
[X] Toy Story 2 (1999)
[X] Toy Story 3 (2010)
[_] Wall-E (2008)
[X] Up (2009)

[_] All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989)
[_] An American Tail (1986)
[_] An American Tail: Fievel Goes West (1991)
[X] Anastasia (1997)
[X] The Land Before Time (1988)
[_] The Pebble and the Penguin (1995)
[_] Rock-a-Doodle (1991)
[_] The Secret of NIMH (1982)
[_] Thumbelina (1994)
[_] Titan AE (2000)
[_] A Troll in Central Park (1994)

[_] The Adventures of Mark Twain (1986)
[X] Chicken Run (2000)
[_] Corpse Bride (2005)
[X] James and the Giant Peach (1996)
[X] The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
[X] Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005)
[_] Coraline (2009)

[X] Antz (1998)
[_] Happy Feet (2006)
[_] Kung Fu Panda (2008)
[X] Madagascar (2005)
[_] Monster House (2006)
[X] Over the Hedge (2006)
[X] The Polar Express(2004)
[X] Shrek (2001)
[X] Shrek 2 (2004)
[X] Shrek The Third (2007)
[_] Monsters vs. Aliens (2009)

Saturday, 9 October 2010


This is just going to be a quick post before I got to bed.
Last night I went to see the England under 21 team play Romania at the Norwich City Football ground. It was a sell out match so there would be 26k people there. During the afternoon my mood dropped and I became very aggitated by every little thing and was thinking about not going. But then I thought if I don't go I'm just going to be home alone and will probably go to sleep.

I took my emergancy sick bag in my handbag as I always do whenever I go out - just so I know it's there if I need it!
We parked the car about 10 minutes walk away from the football ground and began heading down to Carrow Road. There were people every where, all walking towards the ground... I didn't like walking with all these people walking fast, I was scared I was going to get seperated from my parents or the people were looking at me funny.

When we walked through the gates and I saw all these swarms of people queing up to go in, it hit me and I burst into tears. It came out of no where so I couldn't stop it and I can't even tell you when I cried really! I was just terrified to be around all these people. I told my mum and she held my hand and we walked to a slightly clearer part. I was so scared I was going to get seperated from my family and get lost and panic on my own! Then we walked through the turn styles and then up the little tunnel to the pitch. And I saw the stand opposite will all these thousands of people and the noise of everyone- and I burst into tears again!! Just, all of a sudden I shook and cried.. Deary me. My Mum comforted me and quickly took me to our seats and we sat down. Once I was sitting down I was okay, I knew I wasn't going to get lost and I could focus my mind on different things. My parents kept talking to me to keep me pre occupied from panicking.

Anyway, the match was really good and we won 2-1! I got quite into it- it's the first match I've been to for about 5 years I think. Since the world cup this year I've developed a love for football and get really into it and quite passionate about it! I really want to go to a Norwich match and support my team - the atmosphere is great when everyones cheering the boys on and we score!

I just wanted to write this down, so I can look back and see that yes, I did panic and get upset, but I didn't run away. I stayed and stuck it out and I was okay. I felt proud of myself.

Friday, 8 October 2010

Emotionally drained!

I don't know how, but last night I feel asleep at 7pm and didn't wake up till 11am today. Crikey, that is a lot of sleep. My body felt terrible, it shouldn't go without food for so long!

I've just had some peanut butter on toast and a smoothie for breakfast. I don't usually get up until at least 2pm so I'm up quite early for me!

On Weds I went to see a private Therapist called Linda. I won't go into too much detail, but this woman is amazing. She is psychic I'm sure of it. I was telling her about two girls who bullied me at school and she stuff about them I hadn't mentioned or hinted at. Like the fact one of the girls parents split up when she was young, and how she now lives in Canada? How could she know that? She also knew other bits and pieces about me that I hadn't mentioned. I'm usually really sceptical about this sort of thing, but it blew me away.
Then yesterday I saw a councellor called Jane who works with the Shaw Trust in helping people get back into work etc. I had to tell her all about my past and she asked lots of questions. I didn't warm to her quite so much as I did Linda though. She said something that upset me a bit.. She asked me about self harming and she then said "well I suppose you not eating some days is like self harm isn't it..?!" I was like "Well, no. I'm not conciously starving my body on purpose to cause pain or anything. I simply do no eat a meal sometimes because I am too anxious about being sick" I was a bit taken aback by it.

She's given me a diary which I need to write down my daily routine in. Basically.. sleeping 3/4 of the day then! Linda and Jane both said the first thing they are going to tackle is having a sensible routine of getting up in the morning, going to bed at a sensible time. And also eating 3 meals a day.

My parents took me to sainsburys so I could buy all the food I liked as whenever they go to sainsburys they buy food I don't fancy.

Oscar is currently snugged up on my pillow next to me. I do love him. I'm sure he loves me. He always greets me with a waggy tails and little grunts when I come in the house. If I get up to go for a wee at night he comes and sees me. He seems to like to lay with me when I watch telly too.
That's Oscar closest to you.. Alfie is behind. They like to stand on the back of the setee and look out the window for cats! They are my babies!

Yesterday I went to Taverham Garden centre with my boyfriend and got very excited by the craft shop! I saw so many things I could use for soap making and Christmas gift sets! He was very kind and bought me some things - I'll talk about this in my soap blog later!

What else?... Oh tonight I'm going to see the England under 21 team play at the norwich football ground. My family are big footie fans and this will be the first match i've been to for about 5 years. It's going to be extremely loud, crowded and busy - great :/ but it's a challenge I will succeed!

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Shopping trips,dog walking and feeling good.

Last Sunday I went in the city with my lovely friend Jasmine. It was the first time I'd been shopping for a few months and I was feeling very anxious about it beforehand. But I got dressed, washed my hair, put on a decent outfit and made myself up so I was good to go.

I picked Jasmine up at around midday and we shopped till we dropped at half 3! We walked all over the city...I bought loads, I had £110 from soap money and as I hadn't gone shopping for a while I thought I'd treat myself. I got some really nice stuff from good old Primark! Loads of bargains at my other favourite shop - Poundland.
I also got 3 True Blood books which I'm very excited about. I got the 3rd one, then an omnibus one which had the 4th, 5th and 6th all in one and then I got 7th one for free! I absolutely love the True Blood tv series and am thoroughly enjoying reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels.
I had about 3 massive, heavy bags which were pissing me off to carry about everywhere.. That's the one part of shopping I hate- carry the bloody bags! I was also wearing these tight boots which were hurting my feeties.

When I got home and un packed all my new items I was feeling really confident and happy, so I decided to take my two little dogs for a walk round the block on their new double lead. As it was a Sunday there was no one about apart from two little boys playing rugby on the road near me, so I didn't bump into any one or get intimidated by any teenagers. The dogs pulled me all the way round the block and even though it was only a 10-15 minute walk it felt good to get out and to have done it alone and not passed out with panic! I didn't feel comfortable, I did feel a niggling panic all the time but I kept talking to Oscar and Alfie and walking fast so it was okay.
I'd like to walk them every day from now on.

The soap stuff is going really well. I love my little room so much. All the girls I'd sent samples to received them today so will be putting their review videos on youtube soon, which I am SO excited about!!

Tomorrow I'm going to see a councellor who one of my Mum's friends reccomended. She's private and is supposed to be really good.. I hope she is. I hope she listens and understands and doesn't pressurise me to do things I really cannot do.

Anyway, it's getting late and I want to read my book before I go to sleep!

Monday, 27 September 2010

Day 8

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
1. Walk round the block alone everyday.
2. Go to sainsburys once a week every week. Be seperated from mum/dad for a short while.
3. Build more business for Sophie's Soap.
4. Be a Zoo Keeper for a day.
5. Get petrol alone.

These are all to build my confidence and to help get over my anxiety.


When I was in my early teens I lied a lot. I'd left school aged 13, had 1 friend and spent a lot of time on message boards online. To entertain myself, and maybe to create a different world I starting making things up. Some were petty, some were pretty awful. I now feel so terribly guilty and ashamed about these lies. I made online friends in America and they all believed these lies I was saying and being so kind...and it all got out of hand and I couldn't admit it was all a lie so things kept going and spiralling.

So ridiculous. To lie about such a thing is disgusting. I'm not going to say what I lied about and I never will, I am too ashamed of myself.

I don't really know what my reasons behind these lies were other than bored, wanting attention and an over active imagination.

Sunday, 26 September 2010

Day 6 & 7

Day 06- Favourite superhero and why

I don't really know much about superheroes like superman or batman.. So I'm gonna say bananaman purely because it was on telly when I was younger and I like to eat bananas.

Day 07- A picture of something/someone that has the bigggest impact on you
Marc Bolan. I have had a fascination with this man since I was about 10 years old and I saw him perfoming with T.Rex on topt2. I loved the way he looked, the faces he pulled, the noises he made, the make up he wore. The songs he sang were cheerful, bizarre and wonderful. I have every book, dvd and cd by or about him. I know almost everything about him. I just think he was amazing. I wish I was born in the 60s and could have seen him live. I've seen the t.rextasy tribute band 3 times. Marc was a beautiful man, but very arrogant, he knew he was idolised and lapped it up. I just think he's wonderful.

Friday, 24 September 2010

Day 5

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Centre Parcs, Elveden Forrest, Thetford.

I spent a week here with my family for my 21st birthday. We've been so many times, it's a brilliant place to go and relax and try new activities. Here is a photo of my boyfriend and Mum eating a BBQ in the lounge of our villa. Love the furniture and forrest wall paper

Thursday, 23 September 2010

Days 3 and 4

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

This was taken on my 21st birthday this year. I don't have many photos of me and my friends. I really have a few friends. This is Jasmine, on the left with the rose tattoos and Tess is in the middle. I'd count these as my best friends. I have other acquaintances I guess... but these are the two I see regularly and know about my problems. I do feel my friendship with Carina is growing stronger though, which I'm happy about. We seem to have a lot in common and she's mature and not bitchy.

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Hmmm. I could easily write "the fact I think about being sick all the time" but I won't. Save that story for another time.
I wish I didn't bite my nails, I've never had lovely long, feminine nails.. They aren't horrible bitten and stubby like some peoples are..but they're always short :( I also pick at my head a lot..any little spot or something on my head (hair) i pick pick pick. I also pluck my eye lashes out with my fingers, and now have hardly bloody any eye lashes and it looks awful. ALSO I pluck out my right eye brow when I watch telly without realising. Weirdo.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010


I've just been watching Take That's video for "Said it all" where they are clowns and have decided to be a sad French clown for hallowe'en. I love clowns, the make up..etc - yet i am scared of them. But I have always wanted to dress up as one..not a naff one, but a victorian style one.
I think I'm going to do with something similar to Howard's make up. What clothes should I wear though? Something just black and white?

You gotta have faith.

As George Michael gotta have faith. Maybe not faith in the Lord, but just faith. Have faith in yourself, that things will get better. That this will pass. That this all happened for a reason.

Sometimes I loose the faith. In myself, in life. In everything. Today I woke up wishing I hadn't. My body felt rough due to the fact I'd slept for over 12 hours and had little to eat the day before. I just laid in my bed for ages struggling to find the energy
to get up. I rang my boyfriend. He cheered me up instantly. I haven't seen him since Friday..was meant to see him yesterday but felt too low...was meant to see him today, but the low feeling was still there. Every little thing made me angry. I could hear my Mum's foot steps in the kit
chen down stairs, and something as trivial as that sent me into a rag
e. I curled into a ball and just let the anger go. I eventually got up, got dressed and put some make up on - only because my Mum had a friend round and I didn't want her to see me looking like shit.

Later on I was sorting out my tablets and suddenly felt like crying. I told my Mum I feel worse than ever and I'm fed up of everything. Fed up of Doctors not
helping. I had a telephone interview with a nurse person two weeks ago, she said I would get a letter saying when I have an appointment with a psychiatrist..but I still haven't received a letter. It's been 3 months since I went to the Shaw Trust and I was meant to have seen a psych by then, but nothing's happened. I get put on one waiting list, then moved to another. It'
s a
good job I haven't killed myself waiting.

I feel like a little girl. I don't feel 21. I still feel 13, and I know I act like it sometimes. I'm scared of teenagers, if I see any when I'm out I get scared they're looking at me and laughing. I feel like a little girl, not an adult. I shouldn't be threatened by teenagers, I'm 21!

I want to LIVE MY LIFE. People don't realise just how isolated I am. I see my bf a few times a week, I see either Jaz or Tess once a fortnight maybe.. I don't
go out for days on end. I so badly want to put the dogs in my car and drive to Whitlingham Broad and take them for a walk alone... But, I just can't.

Sad things affect me more than a normal person I think. Like a sad song, or a sad storyline on tv. A song can make me feel such heart ache and I will cry and feel sad for hours. Why?!?!

I love Dean so much. I can feel suicidal until the minute I see h
im, then when he opens the door I feel lifted. He is a man of few words. But he knows when I'm not feeling well. I miss him

The soap room is almost finished, just need the microwave table and flooring. This evening I made quite a few soaps, I'm a bit behind with orders.. I felt better
after making them as it keeps my mind busy :)

Day 2

Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name

Well, I don't have a tumblr, this is a "The ramblings of a girl named Sophie" is pretty self explanatory really..

Monday, 20 September 2010

Day 1

Day 1: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
1. When I was 3 or 4 I got my thumb trapped in a patio door and had to be taken to A&E. I now have a scar around the top of my thumb.
2. I am 5 ft 2 and have size 3 feet.
3. I left school when I was 13.
4. My first pet was a rabbit called Flopsy.
5. I am terrified of clowns, spiders, vomiting, knives and dressed up people like Pudsey Bear.
6. I make soaps.
7. I've had 3 "serious" boyfriends and only ever kissed 7 people.
8. I have very vivid dreams, I have at least 5 every night and can remember them all very clearly.
9. I LOVE True Blood & Sex and the city.
10. I burn wax melts every day in my house so it smells gorgeous. I LOVE candles, wax melts, room fresheners...
11. My guilty pleasures are property and food programs.
12. My favourite animal is a goat. 2nd, is a dog.
13. If food resembles vomit I will not eat it.. e.g soup.
14. I wear ear plugs when I sleep.
15. I talk to my dogs and cat constantly, in a little baby voice.

30 days task.

30 Days.

Post a blog each day for each question/task.

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends
Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 14- A picture of you and your family
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play
Day 16- Another picture of yourself
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot
Day 24- A letter to your parents
Day 25- What I would find in your bag
Day 26- What you think about your friends
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned
Day 30- Who are you?